Bhagham Bhag represents just about everything that I think is wrong with Bollywood cinema. Yes, this is an all-inclusive package full of overreacting, unfunny jokes, in-your-face vivid cinematography, and of course annoying characters. In fact this may be exactly the opposite of last year’s best Bollywood effort – the pristine Rang de Basanti. This comedic chase film depends on a very dumb and shallow gimmick. That gimmick is the difference between the words heroine and heroin. If you think that it’s a clever gimmick, this film is for you, for everyone else who finds it as disgustingly shallow as I do, please don not. Director Priyadarshan is coming off of a few successes, both critical and at the Indian box office, with the crazy (and more importantly, funny) Hera Pheri deserving special mention. Unfortunately, he seems to think that the trivial, Wayans Bros.-style script by friend and collaborator Neeraj Vora is good enough to suit modern audiences. He’s wrong, dead wrong. Throughout the chase sequence which makes up most of the movie, I decided to play a fun game. I ranked the characters in order from the most annoying to least. The only reason Babla came in last place is, because veteran Indian actor Govinda happens to have the most talent of all, cameo-king Sharat Saxena included. Bhagam Bhag is a missed opportunity and if director Priyadarshan thinks he can reel in Aishwarya Rai for a future film, he should choose better scripts and stop giving in to the easy tried-and-true Bollywood cliches.